is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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