You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
