Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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