man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
