i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
