I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
