There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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