I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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