He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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