those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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