my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
