Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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