I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
