dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
