is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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