Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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