Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
