Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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