I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
