Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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