i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
