did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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