It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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