1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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