You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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