We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
