Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
