I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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