he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
