I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
