Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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