Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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