That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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