i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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