My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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