we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
