what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
