no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
