Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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