I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
