the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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