fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
