College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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