Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
