I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
