My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
