I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
