so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
