The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
