fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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