I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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