it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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