well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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