So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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