Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
