I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
