The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Randomize
