An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
