Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
