i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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