i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
